18 fucking times

And you realize how drunk the Scotsmen can get because they can wear a skirt and not care. And how they can invent a sport like golf:

"Here's my idea for a fucking sport ... I knock a ball in a gopher hole."

"Oh, you mean like pool?"

"Fuck off ... pool !?!? Not with a straight stick ... but a little fucked up stick!! I whack a ball and it goes in a gopher hole."

"Oh, you mean like croquet?"

"Fuck croquet!!! I put the hole hundreds of yards away!! Oh fuck ... 'el yea, this is great fun, yea? This is great, ay?"

"Oh, like a bowling thing?"

"Fuck no!!! That's it - I put shit in the way!! Like trees and bushes and high grass so you can lose your fucking ball and go whacking away with a fucking tire iron. Whacking away and each time you miss you feel like you're going to have a stroke!! Ha ha.. fuck ... that's what we'll call it ... a stroke ... cause every time you miss you feel like you're going to fucking die! Oh great ... and here's the better part ... oh fuck this is brilliant ... right near the end I'll put a flat piece with a little flag to give you fucking hope ... But then I'll put a pool and a sand box to fuck with your ball again!!! Ah ... you'll be there trashing your ass ... jacking away in the sand! Ah hah!"

"Oh, so you do this one time?"

"Fuck no!! Eighteen fucking times!"
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taken from Robin Williams' Live on Broadway